January 11th, 2008 by emelda

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
2. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
3. Men are very confident people. My other half is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they’re really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.
4. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
5. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
6. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. So sleep with one under the pillow instead of a gun.
7. All men hate to hear “We need to talk about our relationship.” These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.
8. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
9. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
10. Most women are introspective: “Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?” Most men are outrospective: “Did my team win? How’s my car?”
11. If a man says, “I’ll call you,” and he doesn’t, he didn’t forget… he didn’t lose your number… he didn’t die. He just didn’t want to call you.
12. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. “Get out” and “I never want to see you again” might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, “I love you… I want to marry you… I want to have your children.” Sometimes they leave skid marks.
13. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
14. Men forget everything; women remember everything.
15. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened

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