Kadazan Bonita

Thought of writing something that got to do with Fitness stuff.. but decided not too for now..malas pula sia mau berfikir panjang macam mana mau tulis tu ayat ayat semua… so scrap that for now, nanti saja la i write again.

P/s: If you are looking for skinny ties, please do drop by at the link given.

For now, i want to bercerita with you all..i feel like bercerita saja today. I think i need it…

For the past few weeks , my emotion have been going up and down like a roller coaster ride.. sometimes i fall so deep that i feel like giving up on everything and when that comes.. i hate everything around me, Im upset, angry and agitated… i just feel like crying and just be angry..i rather be alone and just sit quietly one corner and just cry..Sigh..This is not minta kesian punya post cos i know someone will say that to me one day… this is not minta kesian post..but a post where i need to be heard,release and maybe understood.

Small issue seems big for me now, i cry easily too.. i feel like im losing myself to this virus in me… i don’t know what i can do to help myself out… i know im very much effected already cos even in my sleep i get that same dream, nightmare some calls it… whenever i get this nightmare, i will definitely end up screaming and crying in my sleep… waking up feeling even more angrier and frustrated..more questions flood my head..doubt and insecure… urh.. i so hate it! Yes…i don’t get that much peaceful sleep now… this nightmare visits me at least twice a week … and it never fails to make me cry,feel broken and angry.

Sometimes i think i need a shrink… i need someone to fix my head,my emotion..my whole being… give me a new me again.. so i forget everything and feel brand new..i just wanna be cured…i want to feel good again..i really do…..

But do you believe me if i say im sick? Or will you just say this is a post yang minta kesian or minta puji?

I may look strong..act strong..happy, smiley and all that….but trust me…i feel rotten deep inside me… and i wanna get out of that feeling…

I don’t need and want to be judge but i just need you to hear me, understand me and maybe some word of encouragement…advice..

I am trying to build my courage to call a counselor for advice but the thought of people judging and how it may effect the people around me…terrify me… and i know i need support and not someone to judge me…. crucify me and blame me…..

Sigh…

Anyway, i love this song so much..i feel the lyrics…and yes…  i wanna fight and win this  ”virus” battle and be healthy again..i have a future waiting for me out there… my marriage, my husband, my mom, my family, my friend, my future children and most of all..me, myself.

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Have a great day peeps…. enjoy life and never take anyone for granted in your life..trust me….