June 24th, 2008 by emelda

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men’s restroom, but it had always been occupied.

A nurse noticed his predicament.Sir, she said ” You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.”

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP, and a red one labeled ATR.

Who would know if he touched them?

He couldn’t resist.He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men’ s restrooms don’t have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large  powder puff caressed  his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn’t wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.

“What happened?” he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the  ATR button.

“The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.”

..   MEN NEVER LISTEN ..

Have a great day peeps, hope this joke have managed to put a smile on your face and made your day a brighter day today if not a lil.

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May 3rd, 2008 by emelda

How was your day? Mine was just ok today..didn’t do much. My day started off pretty slow today. Am suppose to do few assigments but i my friend office do not have wireless connection hence i could not go online today from their office. Sigh..

Why can’t they just use wireless connection? Kan senang if they have wireless router? Mana mana i go i can get connection? Ai yo…

Anyway, i have just registered myself for sunday school today. Was pretty fast just fill in the form and then im ready to go for “school” again. Class start in June 1st ..heheeh.

Im still waiting for my moolah from my previous employer..till now i have  yet to received their reply. I wonder how long more do i need to wait. Sigh. So sad la..

Since i was out from the fitness industry, i have been doing some side business doing personal training and giving private swimming lesson. I have been advertising this in the local newspaper. The thing is,since the day my number has been advertised in the paper i have been receiving weird sms and calls! Some of it is pretty scary and funny!

There was one time, i received a call from a young man. Asking about swimming and how much do i charge per lesson, i thought he was a genuine caller but only to found out that this fella just want to “berkenalan” with me!! The thing is …he have no guts to ask about this when i was on the phone with him..but he have the guts to asked me on SMS pula!! Bodoh tak tu??LOL!!Not that i want to “berkenalan” but hey, be a gentleman la..kalau betul betul berani..cakap ba jangan after hanging up the phone then text me said”can we be friend” No balls!

The second incident lagi gila! This is how the text goes” Do you need toyboy? If you do please call me at 012 xxx xxxx. Im in need of RM150 urgent. It’s 25th bla bla bla…i was like..what the hell!!! Where the hell did he get my number from? The i remember, oh yea..newspaper ad! Sighhhhh..i obviously did not reply but guess who replied him? Dan la! hahahahahah it was hilarious la..that guys got the shock of his life seeing what Dan wrote and he apologies right after that!! LOL!! Padan muka, he deserved that!

And some don’t even bother to ask anything about the price charges,how many times a week i would give lesson or anything like that but just want to know where do i teach and what is the address! You think i would give you the address easily? Think i’m a dumb blond is it? Get really excited every time i get a call from the species called MAN? Puh…leaseeeeee!!! Geram you know and he have the cheeks to be very rude to me. Keep asking, ya mana address bagi address sekarang! Ei, bodoh betul la!

But nothing compare to this la, lets call this person R. R called me and asked me about all the packages. R seems genuine. I took the time to explain to R everything. Only to found out later that R is BI! Imagine how surprised i was! I was so shocked! R did sound bit weird on the phone but i thought that was Just how R is.Then when R send me THE TEXT confessing to me that R is BI, Man i was flabbergasted! and at the same time worried. But that time i still can say,well at least R is being honest. So i replied and said, i don’t have any issue with R sexual preferences just as long as we keep it at professional level. R did not text me back after that. But R called me few days later, me answered the phone thinking that R have received my earlier text! But nope,R did not. Obviously R called me to check if i am ok with R being BI!(At this time, only God knows how i feel deep inside) I felt soooo weird!! Having the conversation with R is already kinda weird now asking me question? Alamak!!! I was so nervous!! LOL!!! I never knew i will be in this situation ever in my whole life! I tried to keep my composure right while answering R’s question and tried to not even sound nervous at all..but i guess i failed! Hahaha..cos, i said it in one breathe! I have no problem with it as long as we keep it at professional level! Then there was silent at R’s end..few second later R said ok,i will see how this weekend. Will call you.

Man..i was sooo nervous!! And after that,i think balik..did i said that right? I just want to make sure R get the message that i’m not into this kind of relationship.I repeated what i said to R to Dan…Dan said it’s ok..but honestly..i am still worried!I feel like i did not get the message across…

Cut stories short, i followed up with the appointment \after that. Last week R could not make it but this week, R replied to my text like this”Darling,i want to do weight training instead of swimming and i want bit more than just personal touch and i know you can’t do that for me,can you work something out for me or try get another person?” i was like….whattttttttttttttttttttt??????????!!! I did not reply after that. I was just so dumbfounded that i don’t know how to reply R anymore.

I am thankful and glad that R is being very open with it but what’s with that reply? Alamak…i think that’s bit too much,no?( or is it me who get’s it wrong? I don’t know. But if i get that wrong pun i think i cant be blame for that kan,after how R confessed on R sexual preferences?)Even after i told her that i only do this personal training as a professional in the industry and im not into jiggery-pokery stuff? Masih tak faham?Pengsan i tell you.Aduh!

Anyway, i hope R will find the personal trainer that R wanted. I wish R all the best! Sorry R i can’t work something out for you and nope i don’t have any friend who is into this kind of thing in the industry.

Indeed, world is going crazier by day now….sigh.

P/s: In case you reader pun masih tak faham..im not into this kind of stuff k…im into Man..that is why i have my botak with me..i prefer banana then oyster!

April 19th, 2008 by emelda

Yea rightttttttttttttt!! I don’t think so, i believe we are just wayyyyy smarter than men.We just know how to use our brain more than them..LOL! Like the saying goes..otak lelaki selalunya di lutut!

This is what i received from a friend of mine few weeks back..i had a good laugh reading at this..read on.

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.  She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

‘Tell him,’ she whispered, ‘There’s no toilet paper, handsoap, or paper towels in the ladies room.’

See..i told you…we are smarter than men…LOL!!!

“To all the lelaki out there..jangan marah :P”

Happy weekend everyone!!!

April 7th, 2008 by emelda

What was your worse experience while watching movie in cinema? I have encountered few and have once asked someone to shut up! i just could not take it anymore…she was just plain annoying!! Talking and asking questions to the boyfriend loudly every single time..bang bang, kenape macam tu? Ala, kesian betul la bang bla bla bla… and some even sing along or finishing the line before the real actor/actress does! ARG!! I hate it! PUDDING HEAD! I did not paid RM12 to hear you sing or talk la!

But, nothing beat this scenario yesterday in the cinema!

2 couple.. and sad to say one of them pakai TUDUNG!

First couple- The man just could not take his hand off her chest!! It’s freaking bright(actually dimmed la) people could still see the surrounding and movement pretty clear in the cinema!Do they have to do that? Imagine kalau you have your kids around at that time,won’t you get really upset? Not that i have kids yet, but where is the respect towards other people??? THICKOS!

Second couple- I think they were too high with each other that they simply could not be bothered about the movie or even their surrounding anymore..they were too engrossed with each other that they just have to make out there and then with some hand action going on too!!! I was so disgusted!!! with all the sound effect coming from them! Uhh ahhh emmm…arg!!! What the hell!!! I feel like i was in some porn joint la yesterday!! I just could not understand..kalau betul betul dah gatal..no other place to do it is it? Like home or even a cheap hotel? Why do you have to do it in the cinema??? It’s a public place and a place where people watched movie…not to listen to your sound effect or watched you do your own movie…eh guna otak tu sikit…respect people la! BUDUH KANG! At one point, the man have to excuse himself to the loo..i guess he just need to take it out sudah la…i don’t think he could take it anymore! D.I.Y!!

Please la…. have some respect to other people or at least respect yourself!! Kalau tak pun..buka la tudung tu…buat malu saja!

P/s: I don’t have any ill feelings to any of the Muslims out there…but to those who pakai tudung and pretend to be an angel but actually…… hypocrite to the max!!!

And oh, i think she is just a mistress of this man…he is around 40 plus and she is just at her 20’s!!

March 29th, 2008 by emelda

Happy Weekend.

March 27th, 2008 by emelda

Ok, my next entry is about women,. The must thing to have being a women, well unless kalau kau tinggal in zaman purba then no you don’t need this but you need leaves or maybe not…maybe just your original skin…hmmm.

Anyway, i was out yesterday for a meeting in Sunway Pyramid. The meeting was suppose to be only for 30 min but it dragged on for like freaking 2 hours,sigh. Oh well…

So back to my story, i’m going to talk about BRA. Yes, you read that right, BRA. I have been wanting to buy new lingerie for the past few days but living in Shah Alam has turned me into a lazy bum to go jalan jalan in shopping mall. But today i was “force” to go to Sunway, i thought, oh well let me go shop for it la.

I went in to this particular shop( just because i saw the sign SALES 70%)and started checking out their ranges. Nice i said to myself but knowing how bra can be so difficult to choose(different brand ,different cutting or cup size you know, wonder why can’t they just standardize it !!??) so i asked the lady to help me.

First thing she did was looked at my chest and then gave me the size that she think fits me..now, this made me wonder, are they trained to look at other women chest and immediately know their sizes?? How did they do that? This always happen to me, sometimes the sales lady would asked me what is my size and before i could even answer, she already answered her own question and most of the time they got it right! WAAAAAAAAAA!! I’m just so ..hmmm… speechless! Is it that easy to guess someone else chest size?? If you would ask me randomly, what is that person chest size…i would definitely go …erm i don’t know..or if i’m in my cheeky mood i would answer it like how true Malaysian would answer you…the size of Rm0.50 NASI LEMAK! OLE!! Eh, you are lucky ok if someone said it’s rm0.50 some people i know would only give rm0.30 Nasi Lemak!! LOL!!Tsk,tsk,tsk…Naughty!

Anyway,this particular lady did the magic too. She almost got everything right even when i told her that is not my size but she insisted because she said the cutting is different and true enough it fits me perfectly! Man, i am so wowed by this lady, boleh tahan! Do you ladies get this kind of “look” as well when you go and hunt for your lingerie?? Or is it just me who is getting this “magic” look,again??

Don’t you think they should open up a booth just to help our man to buy us lingerie as a present? Common, how many of you man out there really know your other half sizes? I think only 30 out of 100 men really know in and out about their other half sizes. If they offer this kind of services, i believe us ladies would be very happy simply because our other half balik with La senza,xixili or VICTORIA SECRET to give us a present.Selamat juga duit kita kan?? LOL!! No more excuses saying oh i don’t know your size ba…

Oh well, since she got almost everything right i choose 3 out of 10 that i tried on and now i’m poorer by Rm62.

That is my story for today…Have a great day peeps.

March 22nd, 2008 by emelda

Happy Weekend Everyone!

January 22nd, 2008 by emelda

You may find my next entry somewhat disturbing but i could not help myself but to write this down..i just want to know what will you do if you ever get into this situation? I know for real some woman will stay on in the relationship till every bits of her self esteem,pride and dignity gone down the drain because she wants to give it a try and believe that the relationship will still work despite what the “significant other” has done to her…

What will you do and how would you react?

1. He lies/lied to you
2. Call you names…BITCH!
3. Tell you that you are not worth his time.
4. Tell you that everyone in your past deserved to leave you. Because you are just a piece of shit.
5. Tell you that you do not deserve to get a good treatment in anything you do..be it in love,life or work.
6. Tell you how much regrets he has for not breaking up with you in early stage and being stupid for coming back together again.
7. After all that…keep telling you over and over again how sorry he was for saying all that to you and promise that he will not do it again ,knowing very well the next “talk” you gonna have will end up at the same route again…?

Retaliate?Walk away? Stay? ………What will you do?

I pray everything will be fine … I just want her to be happy….

January 11th, 2008 by emelda

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
2. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
3. Men are very confident people. My other half is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they’re really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.
4. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
5. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
6. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. So sleep with one under the pillow instead of a gun.
7. All men hate to hear “We need to talk about our relationship.” These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.
8. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
9. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
10. Most women are introspective: “Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?” Most men are outrospective: “Did my team win? How’s my car?”
11. If a man says, “I’ll call you,” and he doesn’t, he didn’t forget… he didn’t lose your number… he didn’t die. He just didn’t want to call you.
12. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. “Get out” and “I never want to see you again” might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, “I love you… I want to marry you… I want to have your children.” Sometimes they leave skid marks.
13. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
14. Men forget everything; women remember everything.
15. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened

December 28th, 2007 by emelda

DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here’s fifty dollars.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn’t overdo today.
SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe.

Now we have already warned you…Better say what we wanna hear or else…..you will end up fixing your own dinner,washing your own clothes,sleeping at the sofa or worse kicked out from home.